Two New Reasons To Hate Ad Breaks

1) Current advert for a cola drink - boy uses powers of fizzy pop to tidy girlfriends room. At least, I think that's what happens. The advert doesn't quite make things very clear. At the end, surrounding buildings start to explode (which feels a bit unfair on the neighbours). I presume the brand is happy they spent what was obviously a lot of money on something confusing which hints their product is evil. Oh, and when did you last see someone attractive in an advert? Suddenly, all the supposedly beautiful people are vacant, utterly forgettable nobodies or smug face-aches (I'm thinking of Mickey - the fool from the hair gunk advert out last year).

2) When buying insurance, have you ever been asked questions about beards or bread? No? Good - let's assume anyone that believes this has happened to him is mental, and completely untrustworthy. Ditto any firm using him in their adverts.

Let The Right One In

Firstly, the book and the movie are both fantastic.

Secondly, to all the people walking out of the screenings because the film is subtitled - I am sorry if you are dyslexic. I understand subtitles affect your viewing pleasure. If you dislike subtitles but don't walk out of films purely because of them, I am not aiming what follows at you either.

If, however, you are neither of the above, yet reading occasional dialogue still ruins your viewing experience, kindly recognise that everyone else in the audience watching and hearing you march out in spluttering disgust understands you to be contemptible idiots. If reading is too much of a strain, and you think swearing loudly about being expected to read a few lines a minute is the normal thing to do in front of people who can cope with such immense pressure and are enjoying the film - kindly avoid all public areas in future to make things easier for yourselves and everyone else. I, and many others, are happier not seeing and listening to people like you. It's not just snobbery, it's that your faces hurt us.

A quarter of a Reading audience cannot cope with reading.

(Note - the same goes for people who cannot bring themselves to watch black and white films. Since the footage is usually not "something real-life" anyway, you can stop throwing hissing fits at how fictional people look in black and white, rather than when sharing your shade of fake tan orange. Thank you)

Fact Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Y0LYn_j1SA

Yeah - I want him to fact you harder and further. I want him to fact you so hard that all the most trivial information about the latest Peugeot vehicles squirts out, making you scream, sweat, and swiftly lose control of your obviously limited thinking capabilities.

I hope he does this in the backseat, offering such an appalling display that any other potential customers in the vicinity vomit, forever associating all Peugeot vehicles with two greasy airheads droning each other to a sticky climax. Rightly, I hope they never buy another Peugeot.

Drive sexy? Not if it means listening to halfwits like this rattle out such hideous, ad-man sex-talk. Urgh!